Abike and the Power of Boundaries

Lagos is a city where “respecting space” sometimes feels like a luxury. From the danfo passenger who insists on turning your shoulder into their personal pillow, to that neighbor who believes your generator fuel is community property, boundaries are constantly tested.

Our girl Abike knows this all too well. Last week, she had one of those days:

First, a stranger at Oshodi decided her bag looked like a perfect armrest.
Then, her colleague at work “borrowed” her stapler for the 74th time (without asking, of course).
To crown it all, her bestie tried to guilt-trip her into attending a party when all Abike wanted was to curl up with puff-puff and Netflix.

That evening, Abike sighed and muttered: “Lagos will not kill me. Boundaries must be set!”

So, What Exactly Are Boundaries?
Think of boundaries like your personal “No Parking” sign. They’re invisible lines that tell people: “This far, no further.”

• Physical Boundaries: Like Abike deciding no random hugs from strangers at the bus stop.
• Emotional Boundaries: Not allowing anyone to dismiss her feelings with “Na small thing, you too dey overthink.”
• Verbal Boundaries: Insisting colleagues speak respectfully instead of sarcastically shouting across the office.
• Time Boundaries: Saying no to late-night “urgent” calls that are really just gist about somebody’s new hairstyle.

Why Do Boundaries Matter?

1. For Your Mental Health: Without them, Lagos wahala can drain your joy faster than PHCN light goes off.
2. For Healthy Relationships: Boundaries create mutual respect. Imagine dating someone who believes your phone password is their birthright.
3. For Identity: They remind you that you’re not a doormat, you’re Abike, child of grace, with rights, values, and personal space.
4. For Self-Care: Boundaries protect your peace, your energy, and even your puff-puff.

Abike’s Lagos Survival Tips on Boundaries:

• Be Self-Aware: Know what you can accept and what crosses the line.
• Communicate Clearly: Don’t mumble. Say it kindly but firmly: “I’m not available at that time.”
• Be Consistent: Lagosians test limits like LASTMA testing traffic patience, don’t bend after setting your rule.

At the end of her chaotic day, Abike finally told her bestie: “Babe, no vex o, but tonight is for rest. I’ll join the party another time.” Surprisingly, her friend respected it. Lesson learned: people treat your boundaries the way you treat them.

Dear Lagosians, in this city of endless bus horns, intrusive aunties, and overly familiar strangers, protecting your boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s survival.

So, like Abike, learn to say NO without guilt, guard your peace like it’s gold, and remember: a Lagosian without boundaries is like jollof without pepper, easy to swallow, but lacking flavor.

👉 Question of the week:
Which Lagos boundary do you struggle with the most; physical, emotional, verbal, or time?