after a prolonged war with life,
for the first few moments,
we become sullen and then lonely,
until our spirits become pale and void.
the light departs our soul and living becomes
as purulent and desolate as a necrotic wound.
the theory of depression is dark.
nobody seems to knows why.
even the mystics and clerisies do not.
even the dull and the ignorant do not.
even the physicians can only assume.
even the psychologists can only surmise,
for the secret seems to be earthed deep
within the crypts of our impalpable psyches,
striving to see the light of life.
so to look normal and stay unnoticed,
we get drunk to drown the pain
or smoke pipes to vaporize the demons
or crack mercurial jokes to make others laugh
or smile widest when the cameraman says “cheese!”
while our very soul cries out in anguish as it rots.
the demands of depression are oppressive.
it breathes on our necks, expiring hot hate.
you either hear the gun telling you to pull
the trigger or the rope asking you to swing from
its noose or the sea enticing you to take a
deep dive down the blue aisle or the voice of gravity
pleading with you to jump down from the window
of the eighth floor of a skyscraper.
we must not blame those that embrace suicide.
the soul wants to be free at all cost.
but we also must not listen to death.
it offers uncertainties and assumptions
for the dead and the dying.
no one is living. we all are dying or trying
hard to escape from a groupthink
that persecutes people for being inadequate;
for being different in a world
that is built on lies and illusions.
Pat Ashinze, an Igbo-Yoruba hybrid, is a 500L Medicine Student of The University of Ilorin.
He writes within the axial stream of poetry, prose, report writing, essaying and whatnot. His writings have graced the pages of literary platforms and are also forthcoming on media such as Kalahari review, Pulse, Ann Arbor Review, Dissident Voice, Mojave Heart review, Pangolin review, Blognostics, Constellate review, Calcutta review, Ngiga review, Merak Mag UK, Vox Poetica, I am not a Silent Poet and elsewhere.